A Path to Self-Love

When I first began "serious" dating, every man was supposed to be "the one." Statements like, “He's the one for you” and “When are you two getting married?” were constantly tossed my way. What no one saw was the way I was treated and the inner turmoil of the relationship.

Because society often sees single people as sad and alone, I stayed in bad relationships and was deeply lonely. For insight on how I ended up in toxic relationships, you need to understand where I came from.

I grew up poor in a house that was filled with drugs and predators. My mom was supporting two children and was rarely home, so I grew up feeling rejected and alone. Do you see the pattern?

My older brother used drugs to escape and I used food. By the age of eight, I started on a journey to discover why men sought to harm me and why I was so ugly, stupid and fat; and I ravenously read every book I could find. That's a small peak into my childhood.

Skip forward…With all my education, I still ended up in toxic relationships. Why? I picked men with different careers, education levels and socio-economic backgrounds, but I still picked men who treated me badly.

The laws of attraction ruled my life. I only attracted those who hurt me as badly as I hurt myself. One day when I was socializing with people involved in the NFL, the title, "Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life One Touchdown at a Time" began to develop in my head.

In order to write the book, I set out to interview men and women on the street to find out what their thoughts on relationships were. A year and a half later, I started on my own journey of self-discovery. It was then I realized I wasn't the ugly, fat, stupid person I always told myself I was. I was a kind person who struggled with my weight, but that didn't mean I deserved any less than the best.

It was also at that point I realized I was much happier being single. I started to practice self-love and I wrote and was happy. People would stop me on the street to tell me how much I glowed.

They say love comes when you least expect it, and it was during that time I met my soul mate. On our first date, we spent the entire afternoon through the next morning talking and laughing. The following day my mom called and I told her about the date stating firmly, "I'm not going to date him." In that instant, something clicked and I changed my statement. "No way! I am going to date him." I made a choice (and you can too) to change my dating pattern. I was going to date the man who didn't have the element of "danger," which was the underlying current of all the other men I had dated.

What changed and how can you change your life to attract your soul mate? There are no magic pills and no words from others will change your life. You must make a decision and commitment to yourself to change. You really must love yourself before anyone else can.

Is my life perfect? No, but I am perfectly in love. I still struggle with self-esteem and my weight. When you're addicted to self-abusive behavior, it's something you must keep in check. It's a disease that will be a life-long struggle. I have to take it one day at a time.

I encourage you to work towards the best relationship you deserve. Read, study, but most of all, learn and practice self-love. Thank you for reading my story. I hope it helps you start on a new path of change. I wish you a great crossing into a life of love and happiness.