Changing Your Inner State

by Graham Harris

We have given a lot of thought, paid an indecent amount of money and taken much action over the years to change the way we are. To become ‘better’ human beings. To make the most of this life we have. To get rid of the behaviours that are counterproductive. The behaviors that cause harm to us and others.

We have attended numerous courses, workshops and seminars around the world. Only to find that the bottom line is that no one can do it except us. No one can change the way you are except you.

Adding a technique or two, or focusing on a behavior that causes upset does not work. In order to ensure you are constantly happy, healthy and more at peace with the world you need to change the way you think about yourself.

Have you ever thought about the way you describe yourself? When you are asked who are you? What do you reply? Do you start with your occupation or your role? If you did you replied in the way you have been trained by society. But you answered the wrong question. You answered the question What are you? Or What do you do?

So when asked: Who are you? What is the reply? One answer would be, “ I am a human being”. OK . Now turn it on its head. What about: A being that happens to be human? How does that fit? Does that describe who you are?

But, what does that mean? What does it mean to be a being that happens to be human? Aren’t you just playing on words?

No. To us it is important. It changes the way you view yourself. For us the phrase; ‘ a being that happens to be human’ means someone who is unfinished, uncompleted. Someone who is on a journey. Someone who is becoming something. Someone who has a natural tendency to grow. Someone who is free to choose whatever path they want. Someone who, left alone, naturally chooses positive and constructive paths. Someone who has a natural tendency to grow, to develop, to achieve their natural potential.

We know, it sounds scary, but just think about this for a moment. Wherever you go for a bit of peace and quiet go there and think for a moment.

I am a being. Someone who naturally chooses what is best for me. Someone who is always becoming. Someone who has an inherent talent to take care of themselves. Someone who is naturally motivated to grow, to develop and to achieve their natural potential.

This means: not only are you are unique but you have a natural ability to move towards fulfilling your potential.

Take a minute and look back over your life. Note down all the major events good and bad. Now review them. When you look back were they turning moments in your life? Can you see a benefit? Can you see how you are choosing what is best for you even though it didn’t feel like it at the time?

Every child has an inner timetable for growth—a pattern unique to him. . . . Growth is not steady, forward, upward progression. It is instead a switchback trail; three steps forward, two back, one around the bushes, and a few simply standing, before another forward leap Dorothy Corkville Briggs Your Child’s Self-Esteem, (1975).

We each have our own story. Our own life with its ups and downs, with its variety of experiences and problems. But eventually when we look back we can see the benefits..

The only thing that slows down your growth and makes it more difficult to achieve your natural potential is You. The way you see yourself.

If you: see yourself as an attachment to another person

allow yourself to be in fear of or in awe of another person

let others rule your life

depend on others

blame others for your feelings and behaviors

hide the real you through forced or affected humor

spend time building a façade to hide behind

display defensive behavior to defend yourself against…….

then you have lost your uniqueness .

Your role is now to serve the other person. You are a slave to their dictates. The minute you are drawn to do something that is driven by another’s agenda you are no longer choosing what is naturally best for you. You are choosing what they want you to do. You are accepting that they are the ‘expert’ in your life. Another person knows what is best for you.

The bottom line is that you are the only person who really knows you. You are the only one who has had all the experiences that make up you. Others have witnessed and experienced parts of you but you are the only one who has seen, heard and lived the lot. You are the only one with the built in self motivation to grow, to develop to achieve your natural potential.

How do you do it? Trust yourself. You are unique. You have a natural ability to move towards your potential. When you trust yourself you naturally flow and are able to move towards what you are supposed to become. When you trust yourself fear disappears. You no longer feel the need to protect yourself from this and that. You no longer feel that you ought to, should do or must do in order to meet the expectations of others.

Trust enables you to grow and creates energy. Trust enables you to be who you are. A fully functioning natural unique individual.

These are our few thoughts to change your inner state.

You are unique, and if that is not fulfilled, Then something has been lost. (Martha Graham)

Good Luck